will you marry me - an ethiopian tradition
I absolutely love learning about people and cultures and traditions! Of course, I especially love learning about Ethiopia as we continue to partner there. I find it fascinating that even though we are an ocean apart and have so many differences, we have so many things in common.
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with our Journey representative, Luel, on the tradition of marriage in Ethiopia. Much like our tradition of a young man asking for permission to marry a young lady in the states, Ethiopia has a similar one. I would say, Ethiopia takes it up a notch, however. It is not the groom-to-be that asks for permission; it is the elders of his family that make the request!
The following is what Luel shared…
“Before a bachelor can officially declare his hope of marrying a young lady, he must send “shimageles” (older men/elders) to the young lady’s home on his behalf to request permission to marry their daughter from the elders of her family.
Note… I will call the groom’s elders ‘shimageles’ and the bride’s, ‘elders’ to keep them straight, even though the word shimageles would be used for both in Ethiopia.
When the shimageles arrive at the home of the young lady’s parents, they are invited to sit. They usually refuse until after they have stated the reason they are there. “We came seeking to build a family.” They will give a brief summary of why they believe the bachelor would make a good husband.
Then, the elders invite/insist that the shimageles sit down. When they concede, the elders will start asking questions.
“What is the purpose of your visit?”
“Which girl do you want?” (if there is more than one daughter at the home)
“Who is he?”
“What does he do for a living?”
“What does his faith look like?”
“Were they tested? Do they know their HIV status?”
Other lifestyle questions are then asked, such as if one has habits such as smoking, drinking, etc.
The shimageles will then give detailed responses to the questions and share more about the groom’s family and his qualities.
It used to be that once the elders heard all this, they would take time to share the information with the parents and privately think on the matter before deciding whether they would give permission to marry. They would schedule an appointment with the shimageles for a future date. Sometimes at the appointment… there would be a refusal.
But, in these modern days, sending shimageles to ask for a woman's hand in marriage is more of a ritual and the elders accept the request to propose immediately rather than taking time to discuss the matter privately. Before the shimageles leave, they are invited to pray together and stay for lunch.
Although the tradition is a little different today, there is still symbolic significance as the elders signify the union of two families and create a mutual respect between the two. In addition, this process creates a strong marriage where the elders may intervene in any conflicts in the future.”
Don’t you just love this - how the two families come together to support the future bride and groom? It seems like a great way for the new couple to start - with the love and support of both families.
How about you? Are there any wedding traditions you still practice today within your families?