the most important thing i learned from dad...

Many of us learn valuable lessons from our parents. Whether it’s the golden rule and how we treat people, manners, etiquette, or even the simple, “Don’t forget to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’”

A couple of weeks ago, my dad passed away. Before his passing, I had the privilege of spending time with him. Although I did get a little time with him in conversation, most of it was spent in the hospital with the sounds of beeping machines and nurses coming in and out, to move him, change out his meds, and check in on both of us.

While I sat there in the hospital room with my dad, I reflected on the things I have learned from him. Three things stood out right away.

One. Sweets. Unfortunately this is a BIG thing I inherited from my dad - the love for sweets! From the infamous Twin Bing to Turtles, to sweet breakfast foods and desserts, we were ready to indulge! Anything caramel or chocolate, my dad and I were a “Yes, please!” and, “How about another?”

Two. Children. My dad absolutely loved children. When they were around, you would always find them in his lap listening to him read. There was always a smile on his face and laughter in his heart when children were present.

Three. Perhaps, the most treasured and greatest lesson I learned was… “take ‘em when you can.” Before I can explain this, you must first understand, my dad was a crazy wicked card player.

Quick side note. Wicked has two quite contradictory meanings. If something is pure evil, then it is wicked. Think Darth Vader. On the other hand, as an informal slang term, wicked also means excellent — as in "that DJ is wicked, man!" Taken from vocabulary.com.

My dad’s wicked card playing was the latter definition, of course. This wicked card playing came in quite handy when you were his partner… and even better when you were his partner AND you were playing for money! But it is in cards, I learned one of life’s very important lessons. While playing, Dad always said, “Take ‘em (the cards) when you can.” And taking tricks is important in cards; it is how you get points and ultimately win the game. You never know what each round will hold and what others have in their hands, so if you know you can take the round, take it! That is what Dad always said.

This may seem like a strange lesson because, “Take ‘em when you can,” refers to taking “tricks” when you can. Funny thing is, Ben and I have tried to adopt this rule in life - in both the big and little things. Ben and I call it the “Ricky Ray rule. (Yes, my dad’s name was Ricky Ray.)

So as I sat in the hospital with my dad, I started asking myself if I am making the most of my life here on earth - especially when it relates to people. Am I taking moments while I can - to reach out to those I love and care for? It always seems like there will be tomorrow. I’ll call/text them tomorrow… I’ll go see them tomorrow… I’ll think about it tomorrow (think Scarlett O’Hara).

Sometimes… tomorrow doesn’t come.

So as I remember my dad, I will be more intentional about taking making the most of my time here. Time here on earth is so short; I want it to matter. That is what my dad did.

Someone described my dad as a concrete marshmallow. He may have been a little tough on the outside, but he had such a big heart. As the oldest child, he took on the role of caretaker many times, not only for his family, but all he encountered. He was always caring for those around him.

When I listen to the following song, these lines stand out.

Now my heart feel like an ember and it's lighting up the dark
I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop, yeah

Dad, I will carry the torch for ya…

Maroon 5 - Memories (Cover) One Voice Children's Choir